SMBS Part 2

I just realized that I had a #ShitMyBoyfriendSays note saved on my phone!

Does that make me evil?

Regardless, I’m posting it.

  1. I wonder if you could sneeze and jizz at the same time…it would be the ultimate release

  2. You moved your finger and it tickled me

  3. AHHH fuck noses!

  4. Shouldn’t it be called “Unplanned Parenthood?” Nobody goes there to talk about the possibility of having a child…

  5. I wouldn’t be able to handle that much retardation in one space

  6. Cooler than a polar bear’s toe nails

That’s all for now folks. I’ll have to get him to say more dumb shit for ya soon 😉

I recently got some wisdom teeth taken out and my boyfriend has had the lovely job of “taking care of me” for the last few days. Last night I was in such agony that I proceeded to force him to come to my house “even if it was only for a little bit.”

His first mistake: Thinking that I would actually let him weasel his ass home.

His second mistake: Making me a chocolate milkshake (just kidding, that’s cool in my book)

His third mistake: Offering to work the morning shift the next day (today)

So my boyfriend says some silly, silly things, but this morning in a half slumber he muttered this gem:

“I’ll just text the bitch to come in early”

To any normal person, this makes no sense. But alas, his post-grad ass has made him impossible to wake up in the morning. So even though he got a good 7 hours of sleep, he apparently texted one of his co-workers (aka “the bitch”) to go in early so that he didn’t have to.

I have no idea if he actually ended up going in to work at all today…


SMBS Part 1