Spoon thief

ImageThere is a spoon thief in my office. There is a limited amount of spoons. Here is an open message to said spoon thief:

I don’t know who you are. I know what you want: my spoons. If you are looking for spoons, I can tell you that our office only has a few. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my spoons go now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.

So, there, spoon thief. It’s on you now. If you come back and try to steal the limited supply, I will simply keep them all in my desk; therefore, hoarding them from you.

Seriously, though. You don’t just walk into someone’s office supply closet and go taking shit.