Humor

The real problem with “online dating”

I’m not going to suggest that online dating is inherently bad. I know your cousins sister met this amazing man on Match.com that they ended up marrying and they, like, should totally be on the commercial. Good for them. Seriously.

I’m also not going to suggest that dating of yesteryear is superior to online dating. Dating, like laws and stuff, changes with time. It’s sort of an important part of evolution I guess.

The problem with online dating, as a 22 year old female living in a large city, is that it’s not actually online dating. To be totally clear, I’m totally fine with and into the whole “hookup culture” thing. That’s not really what I’m getting at.

What I’m getting at is that just because people don’t have your full name and phone number does not mean that you’re not talking to an actual person. The problem with online dating – actually, I’m going to call it online fishing – is that people grow massive balls and say things that they would never say to a person’s face. I know that’s sort of where we get the show Catfish from, but not everyone pretends to be a 18 year old cheerleader when they’re actually a 42 year old accountant. Even if 23-year-old James that is 6 miles away from me is actually a 23-year-old man named James that lives 6 miles away from me, it doesn’t mean that his opening line should be, “Can you handle my big dick?”

I’ve gotten some fantastic pickup lines in my 2 1/2 months on Tinder and 2 1/2 days on OkCupid and I fully plan to share them with you all. Yes, I’m sort of turning them both into a social experiment – sorry boys, your names will be omitted to protect the guilty. Maybe.

The other problem with online fishing is that it absolutely ruins jealous people. I have personally found my friends boyfriends/FWBs/”exclusive” partners/whatever on Tinder and promptly sent it to my group chat to laugh about.

For now, here’s one gem that I especially appreciated:

Full Disclosure: This is actually one of my very very good friends. I texted him a screenshot of his Tinder profile and said I swiped right. This was his response. Pure gold. Ladies, let me know if you want his number.

Full Disclosure: This is actually one of my very very good friends. I texted him a screenshot of his Tinder profile and said I swiped right. This was his response. Pure gold. Ladies, let me know if you want his number.

Like me here? You’ll love me even more on Twitter.

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