Humor, Media, OkCupid, Social Media

Upload a photo, damnit

Here’s one more thing I don’t understand about online dating: People who don’t upload photos of themselves.

There is a reason these people do not have photos and it is absolutely not casual. The most common excuse I’ve received is: “I’m new to this site and haven’t had the chance to upload photos yet” or “I am a (insert job title here) and I don’t want my clients/ex-gf/coworkers to see me on here.”

“I’m new to this site and haven’t uploaded photos yet” 

Here’s the issue with that. You have time to search for people and message them, but you don’t have the time to upload a photo? Really? For some reason you’re making me think that you’re actually really gross looking and have no photos of yourself or you’re a 15 year old kid looking to cyber. Either way, no thanks.

“I am a parter at a law firm and I don’t want my coworkers to see me on here.”

Okay. Let me just clear something up. You’re online dating not taking part in beastiality. Pretty much every single person (and even maybe some in relationships) has an online dating app on their phone. It is not the 90’s and it is no longer taboo to meet people online.

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Double trouble

Some guys are even crazy enough to use both excuses in one message – and have the balls to upload a picture anyway. Just to clarify – what were you planning to say on here that would scare away your clients? God forbid you tell the Internet that you enjoy long walks on the beach and candlelight dinners. I’m sure that would really implicate you in a court of law. Speaking of which, would things that your clients have on their online dating profile be held against them to a prosecution?

Word of advice: Upload a photo if you want girls to respond to you. Don’t say anything online that you wouldn’t want the general public to know about you (because some girls you message might just blog about it later…)

Always,

Allie

 

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Humor

The real problem with “online dating”

I’m not going to suggest that online dating is inherently bad. I know your cousins sister met this amazing man on Match.com that they ended up marrying and they, like, should totally be on the commercial. Good for them. Seriously.

I’m also not going to suggest that dating of yesteryear is superior to online dating. Dating, like laws and stuff, changes with time. It’s sort of an important part of evolution I guess.

The problem with online dating, as a 22 year old female living in a large city, is that it’s not actually online dating. To be totally clear, I’m totally fine with and into the whole “hookup culture” thing. That’s not really what I’m getting at.

What I’m getting at is that just because people don’t have your full name and phone number does not mean that you’re not talking to an actual person. The problem with online dating – actually, I’m going to call it online fishing – is that people grow massive balls and say things that they would never say to a person’s face. I know that’s sort of where we get the show Catfish from, but not everyone pretends to be a 18 year old cheerleader when they’re actually a 42 year old accountant. Even if 23-year-old James that is 6 miles away from me is actually a 23-year-old man named James that lives 6 miles away from me, it doesn’t mean that his opening line should be, “Can you handle my big dick?”

I’ve gotten some fantastic pickup lines in my 2 1/2 months on Tinder and 2 1/2 days on OkCupid and I fully plan to share them with you all. Yes, I’m sort of turning them both into a social experiment – sorry boys, your names will be omitted to protect the guilty. Maybe.

The other problem with online fishing is that it absolutely ruins jealous people. I have personally found my friends boyfriends/FWBs/”exclusive” partners/whatever on Tinder and promptly sent it to my group chat to laugh about.

For now, here’s one gem that I especially appreciated:

Full Disclosure: This is actually one of my very very good friends. I texted him a screenshot of his Tinder profile and said I swiped right. This was his response. Pure gold. Ladies, let me know if you want his number.

Full Disclosure: This is actually one of my very very good friends. I texted him a screenshot of his Tinder profile and said I swiped right. This was his response. Pure gold. Ladies, let me know if you want his number.

Like me here? You’ll love me even more on Twitter.

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