Humor, OkCupid, Online Dating

One-liners gone wrong

I love a good pickup line. Actually, I don’t even like a good pickup line, I like clever ones (or at least ones that make me giggle and not face-palm). However, more often than not, the pickup lines I encounter make me want to throw my phone across the room and declare my eternal single-ness from the top of the Empire State Building.

What does this even mean?

Exhibit A

Exhibit A: To give you some background, on my profile it says I’m good at being sarcastic and parallel parking. I’m not sure why he would but those two things together to create one very weird connection, but he did. I’m also not sure what he expected my response to be – “Yes, I usually use irony and wit when I’m talking to parking spots I’m trying to get into.”

Exhibit B

Exhibit B

Exhibit B: Did he miss the part where I said I was interested in men?! In all fairness, maybe he did. But either way, why does he think I care what his sister thinks of me? Realistically, I wouldn’t meet the family until at least a few months into dating and we’re just not there yet. At least take me to dinner first. Also, why would your sisters taste in women affect your taste in women? Are you turned on by the same type? I’m seeing multiple red flags here…

Exhibit C

Exhibit C

Exhibit C: I’m relatively certain neither of these things are happening. Ever. Also, put a space between your word and your wink 😉

Always,

Allie

P.S. Follow me on Twittah. Ya won’t regret it.
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26/07/2012

We graduated today!! But we still have class tomorrow, which is weird. I guess that’s how they do shit here?

My diploma

During graduation, we obviously had to do the cheek kisses (or for those of you that are cultures: faire la bise, bisous or bisou) with our professors, which is something that I personally always stress out about. Which way do you go first? What if they go the same way as you? What if you unintentionally make out with the person on the other end of the kiss?

Thank God I had Chelsea to answer that question for me.

Chelsea had a very interesting experience during this. Not only did Connell and I go before her so she could watch which way was acceptable to lean first, but many other members of our class did as well. But for some reason, Seb flustered her and she almost made out with him. I’m pretty sure someone, somewhere has it on video. That could probably make a baller YouTube video.

For those of you still confused about this gesture, click here.

Au revoir (for now)

Lyon, Travel

Lyon: Faire la bise

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Lyon, Travel

Lyon: Annecy

18/7/2012

Today was definitely one of the top 10 best days of my entire life. Hmm…I feel as though I’ve said this more than once on this trip.

We went to Annecy this morning. It is probably one of the most beautiful, picturesque places that I have encountered in my entire life. As hard as it is to say, I think it may even be more gorgeous than Lyon.

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We pulled up in our buses to this incredible lake surrounded by mountains. The lake was a perfect shade of blue and was completely see through – all the way to the bottom. On the backdrop of the Alps, it was definitely an incredible sight.

Chelsea, Leighann and I decided to walk around the town for a bit and get a feel for the place. Chelsea got a “bon home avec sucre” which was basically a sugar donut shaped like a little man.

Then we went to the private beach. First of all, it was not a beach. It was a grassy knoll that people lay out on in bathing suits and sometimes not in bathing suits. The water was ridiculously beautiful so obviously we had to try to go in. While it did feel like melted snow in lake form, it was still refreshing.

Then we had amazing ice cream and got back on our bus for a long nap home…

Au revoir (for now)

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Lyon, Travel

Lyon: Bastille Day

Since the last post was so long already, I’m going to tell you about our rendez-vous with a few Lyon natives.

Well we got lost trying to go home. And they said that they knew the way we were going and would lead us there. Little did we know that the French do not know how to read Google Maps because a trip that should have taken 20 minutes ended up taking two hours. On the plus side, we had an amazing time talking to them and walking around Lyon.

Chelsea and I pretty much made a silent pact (again) to hang out with the two good-looking guys in the group. Their names are Remi and Bite (bitte – it’s French slang for “dick/cock/etc”). I swear, his friends called him that. So we did too.

They were wonderful. They said to us, in great English, “We don’t speak English.” When people in America say, “I don’t speak Spanish,” they really mean that they don’t know a word.

We got Remi and Bite’s Facebooks and now we’re eternal friends.

Happy Bastille Day!

Thanks to last night, I didn’t wake up until 1 p.m. However, I did get McDonald’s – so I guess that makes up for it, right?

We brought a picnic (wine, cheese, baguette, meat) and sat down by the Saone for the fireworks. They were the most beautiful fireworks I have ever seen in my entire life.

The setting was so surreal. I was sitting alone the Saone River staring at Vieux Lyon and up the hill to the Fourviere. The fireworks went off right above the Fourviere. Literally the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. And there were heart-shaped ones!!

L’amour

Au revoir (for now)

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What the fuck happened tonight. (I wrote that in my Lyon Word Journal at 4:24 a.m. when I got home last night.)

You know what’s great about France? Everything. Their parties are longer, wilder and drunker. Their firemen are hotter. What’s not to love?

Let me just paint you a picture.

First there was a line at the door. Not long enough to defer us from wanting to go inside, but just long enough that we knew we were in the right place for a good time. We got to the door and the “bouncer” was checking girls’ bags. I guess there needs to be some form of security, right? Anyway, one of our girls had a flask in her bag which she “completely forgot about.” Yeah, I said the same thing when I brought a water bottle of Bacardi to my senior homecoming dance. We all told the bouncer to just toss it since it was ruined from putting Apple Pomme soda in it anyway. But he said we had to do that ourselves. Then Chelsea said she was going to “throw it away” which really meant downing it and stashing it next to a tree.

We got in to the building, got stamped and got a free drink coupon. I immediately got drinks. Desperados. Tequila flavored beer. Yep. Then we went out into the little courtyard to dance. It was an outdoor courtyard so it wasn’t like the usual hot and sweaty club. But then it started raining, which was fine. It was just a light drizzle so no one really minded. We danced to French house music and it was awesome.

We went to get more drinks a few more times and just pretended we didn’t understand them when they asked for our drink tickets. Then Leighann got a free drink a whole other way. Creeper guy + drink tickets = accidental kiss? Weird how that happens.

Anyway, then the show began. Four firemen were standing on the roof waving flares. So cool. Then the music started and the stripping began in the windows. It was the most wonderful strip tease I’ve ever gotten. OK, it’s the only real strip tease I’ve ever gotten. And it wasn’t even for me. Boo.

We ended up leaving around 2:30 a.m. since we were all very intoxicated. But somehow didn’t make it home until 4:25 a.m….

Lyon, Travel

Lyon: Le Bal des Pompiers

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Aujourd’hui c’est the premier jour des classes. Today was the first day of classes. My level is five – so, intermediate – and I have the most fabulous professor ever. He actually specifically asked that we don’t call him Monsieur, Professeur, etc. He wants us to call him Sebastien. Oh, Seb.

Anyway, we played Pictionary and I met a lot of people from Hong Kong and stuff. Then we ate French snacks and it was all good. Then we were done with class at 1 p.m. Not bad I say.

Then Chelsea, Connell, Leighann and I went on a super intense walk around the River Saone and it was so beautiful.

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After all that, we went to dinner with everyone. Obviously my table had 4 bottles of wine to seven people. So, apparently all of us had half a bottle each. Whatever. As if that’s a lot.

Then a few of us went out after dinner. And by that I mean like 11:30 p.m. since dinner ended up being about four hours long. So we went out, walked around to a few places we had wandered earlier in the day and came across a crowd of about 50-80 young people (about our age) just hanging out outside this bar. So, naturally, we just walked in as if we owned the place.

Our waiter came over to us and asked us (in French) what we wanted. And when we paused (because we weren’t sure yet) he immediately said, “Do you speak English?” Ugh. Yes. But we just didn’t know yet! Give us a sec. I mean, if we were in Boston and were saying, “Uhhhh” while looking at a menu the waiter wouldn’t automatically say, “Oh should I speak Spanish to you?” Strange. But he was still pretty nice. And my vodka sunrise was pretty good.

Au revior (for now)

Personal, Travel

Lyon: Seb Souvy

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I didn’t end up getting a prepaid phone (yet). I accidentally napped. Oh well! Myself and seven other girls just went on a quite interesting adventure around Lyon. Finally!

One of my dialogue-mates, Lizzie, accidentally took her entire French oral exams in English. Completely. She thought they were just filling out her sheet and having a conversation. I don’t think I ever laughed so hard when I learned that. Oh wait, I laughed pretty hard when one of the Kristen’s told us that for her eighth birthday, all she wanted as a present was stock in Mattel. Just picture an eight year old saying, “No daddy, I don’t want a Barbie, I just want eight stocks of Mattel.”

It was hilarious to say the least. But the food we had at the restaurant we ended up going to was phenomenal. I got the Menu Mama, which was three courses of absolute deliciousness.

The appetizer (which, in French, they call the Entrée) had pepperoni in the name, but included no meat. It was quite confusing.

The main course for me was a spicy pasta with tomato sauce. I didn’t realize how spicy it was until I started sipping on our Rose wine and then all of a sudden I needed to eat some bread before my mouth was on fire! It was awesome. Then for dessert, I got a caramel crème. Oh my word. It was along the lines of French Flan. Super rich and caramel-y (that’s totally not a word, I know) and wonderful. I am still so full and it’s been like 3 hours since we ate!

I love how in France they don’t rush you to get the check, pay and leave. But I definitely am still getting used to the whole idea of eating between 8-9 p.m. They don’t even give you the check until you ask for it. So awesome. Definitely much better than being rushed out of a restaurant to open up tables!

Personal, Travel

Lyon: Mama’Caroni

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