Personal, Tequila Tuesday

Tequila Tuesday: Literally though…

I’m starting a new series for Tuesdays: Recent drunken stories.

The first one is actually, conveniently enough, involving tequila. I’m going to give everyone a little recap on Cinco de Mayo 2011.

This night was debatably one of the best of my life – the night I met my ridiculously wonderful boyfriend.

The evening began with me picking up one of my 21-year-old friends in my car immediately after co-op and promptly getting about 32 Coronas (for three os us…) since they didn’t have 24 packs. Obviously that was the smart choice. I then carried said Coronas into my on-campus building in a laundry basket covered in a towel. Real stealthy.

I came home to two bottles of Jose and a container of Margarita mix. I knew where the evening was going.

Fridge of Cinco de Mayo goodness

We basically invited everyone we knew to our dorm room for a rage-fest filled with Marg shots (someone sits on a chair with their head back while someone pours a shot each of Marg mix and Jose into their mouth), Tequila shots and Coronas out the wahoo.

Anyway, after quite a few of these, my summer roommate (shouts to Rachel) decided to call one of her friends in Pike. Naturally, he was already so drunk that his big brother had to accompany him to our building. I learned later that Rachel had told said big brother that he should just come up to the room because she had a “hot roommate” which apparently meant me. I was unaware of this obvious set up.

Back in Allie-land I heard a boy speaking a different form of English – he had an ACCENT. If you know me, you know I’m incredibly attracted to accents. So, of course, I went up to this man with the wonderful pick up line of, “Are you Southern?”

From there we talked for a while, spent a while in my room “changing the music” and building up sexual tension and eventually (finally) I grew the balls to kiss him.

And that’s the story of how I met my man.


SMBS Part 2

I just realized that I had a #ShitMyBoyfriendSays note saved on my phone!

Does that make me evil?

Regardless, I’m posting it.

  1. I wonder if you could sneeze and jizz at the same time…it would be the ultimate release

  2. You moved your finger and it tickled me

  3. AHHH fuck noses!

  4. Shouldn’t it be called “Unplanned Parenthood?” Nobody goes there to talk about the possibility of having a child…

  5. I wouldn’t be able to handle that much retardation in one space

  6. Cooler than a polar bear’s toe nails

That’s all for now folks. I’ll have to get him to say more dumb shit for ya soon 😉

I recently got some wisdom teeth taken out and my boyfriend has had the lovely job of “taking care of me” for the last few days. Last night I was in such agony that I proceeded to force him to come to my house “even if it was only for a little bit.”

His first mistake: Thinking that I would actually let him weasel his ass home.

His second mistake: Making me a chocolate milkshake (just kidding, that’s cool in my book)

His third mistake: Offering to work the morning shift the next day (today)

So my boyfriend says some silly, silly things, but this morning in a half slumber he muttered this gem:

“I’ll just text the bitch to come in early”

To any normal person, this makes no sense. But alas, his post-grad ass has made him impossible to wake up in the morning. So even though he got a good 7 hours of sleep, he apparently texted one of his co-workers (aka “the bitch”) to go in early so that he didn’t have to.

I have no idea if he actually ended up going in to work at all today…


SMBS Part 1